Barack Obama’s Inauguration Meets Monty Python

I sent this into a local paper.  There will certainly be more Python silliness as we go along.

I tell people Monty Python has ruined my life and Mr. Obama’s Inauguration is no exception.

For those who remember comedian Richard Pryor, of course, he has to get into the act from the next world. He probably swore it would be a cold day in hell before a black was elected President of the United States. Can’t you see him cracking everyone around him up in the next world? Then he shouts out to the devil, “Lucifer, it’s a cold day in hell, turn up the heat!” (I’m sure the devil is sorry about the day Richard Pryor became one of his tenants).

Mr. Obama realizes he will have more than his work cut out for him. “I don’t want to be President,” he groans, a la Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Michelle is not taking this one lying down. “Shut up and don’t be such a baby, I know what’s good for you! I’ve bought the Inauguration dress and dresses for all those state dinners. I am looking forward to not cooking for the next eight years. What’s wrong with being the President of the United States anyway? She’s beautiful, she’s rich and she’s got great tracts of land! The Holy Grail is waiting at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. You have answered the bridge keepers questions, so by God you will be President! So write that inauguration speech and make me proud!”

January 20, 2009. It is four degrees below zero, the coldest inauguration on record. The Spanish Inquisition, sorry, Secret Service have icicles on their Bluetooth phones. Mr. Obama finally gets up and the speech is as follows:

“You must all figure out for yourselves.”

These will only be the first of many Python moments.

Eartha Kitt

Actress and cabaret singer Eartha Kitt died Christmas Day.  For me, she will always be Catwoman on Batman (along with Julie Newmar of course).

If Batman had to be killed off, I wanted Catwoman to commit the evil deed.  No goons, no fancy Batman and Robin killing machine, just Catwoman herself, using her imagination.

I was driving my coworkers nuts yesterday, singing Santa Baby all day.

All kidding aside though, she was a brave lady who had some rough patches.

Rest in peace, kitty.

I Want My Lemon Curd!

I was in Trader Joe’s today.  One of the workers told me their shipments of Lemon Curd will having difficulty making it through customs.

I can see myself now.  A lemon curd smuggler.  I fantasized driving the five hundred miles from Tucson to the Port of Long Beach and driving to the docks.

I am staring up at the ship coming from the United Kingdom WITH MY LEMON CURD!!  I want my lemon curd!  Now!

The U.S. customs person says, “You cannot have it, it cannot clear customs.”

“And why not,” I ask, my annoyance being kept under wraps.

“It just cannot.”

I get it.  Bureaucratic intransigence.  Well, I will get it.  Remember the Boston Tea Party?  Well, I am going to get my lemon curd.

I sneak on the ship in the dead of night.  I steal what I can take.  I get down to where my car WAS!

I was awakened from my fantasy when the clerk at the cash register, grumbled, next!

Pre Inauguration Silliness

I had a silly thought about the Inauguration.  Another case of Monty Python meets Barack Obama’s Inauguration.

From Holy Grail.  “But I don’t want to be President.”

“Oh, shut up and don’t be such a baby.”

Then I thought, can you imagine if Comedian Richard Pryor had lived to see this?  He is probably cracking people up on the other side.

Mr. Obama will have to stand up for his Inauguration speech and it will be just one sentence from Life of Brian.  “You must all figure it out for yourselves.”

The Strange Misadventures of Governor Blagojevich.

On Palin’s Travels we have a thread going on about the Governor of Illinois and his travails.   One of our members is from the Chicagoland area.  Where winters are cold, their favorite son is getting ready to be Inaugurated and the Governor is trying not to be the second in a row to go to jail.  (Three Governors of the last six have already followed that route.  The Federal Prison in Terre Haute, IN is going to have to open a separate Governors wing.  Notice, the prison is across the state line, barely, but there you have it).

The Governor has been charged but not proven guilty yet, so keep that in mind.  Still, Mrs. Governor is referred to as “Lady Macbeth.”  Only no one had died, (as far as we know).  Can you imagine changing Shakespeare’s lines?  Is this a big payoff I see before me?  Will none of the perfumes of Arabia wash away the guilt?

Illinois is in for one HECK of a soap opera. As State Government Turns. All My Felons. Another Governor to Imprison. General Prison Ward? Will Susan Lucci play Mrs. B?

Mike Royko, the great Chicago columnist must be having the time of his life in the next world.  If only he were in this world to report what is going on.   I miss my friend Joyce Gilbert.  I know, SHE would have had more than something to say about the goings on.

Another Inauguration.

I just finished a book about the four months from Abraham Lincoln’s election to his inauguration.  It amazed me back then they talked about a “crowd” of 30,000 people.  There may be millions at Obama’s Inauguration next month.  Who would have thought?

It will certainly be interesting.

Dinner with the Lost Boys.

Wednesday night, I had dinner with twenty of the Sudanese Lost Boys.  They do this every so often when one of them is going to visit Africa for an extended time or they are celebrating something.

We were in the Chinese buffet @ Grant and Swan.  They have obviously been there before, since the owner greeted everyone warmly and posed for pictures.  I never knew they had a backroom and that is where we were.

Peter (one of the guys I am helping with the book), is definitely the leader.  Among all the laughing and joking, he does not say much.  He easily gets everyones attention though when he wants it.

It was a fun night celebrating with a very different kind of community.  The following night, Peter and Jok came over and we worked more on the book.  I also realize those two are leaders of their community and resolve many of the disputes that arise among them or they counsel some of them if it is needed.  It made me ask how traditional Dinka culture helped them survive their ordeal as Lost Boys.  They are going to add this to the book.

I am honored to have been accepted by them and wanting to help them.  I have joked before about the work involved, but all kidding aside, I am honored to help and they are teaching me as well.  If I am helping them with their writing and teaching them about the publishing world, they are teaching me life lessons about what is important.    Their surviving the worst life can throw at you is an object lesson for us all.

Punishing Yerbie

For a week, my keys and transmitter to get into work were missing.  They were found Friday morning under the Christmas display in the living room.
I would have had to pay $20 for a new remote if this one was not found.
Well I decided to poll my coworkers as to a suitable punishment for Yerbie aka small fry.  He was to get a good scolding and no treats.

The no treats had the effect.  For the scolding, he just closes his eyes and played sphinx, sitting there haughtily.  (Yerbie does haughty well).
Scoldings only have a limited effect on Yerbie.  It is always a silly adventure.

Tucson Citizen Police Academy-Graduation!

After fourteen weeks; three months, I am sorry to see it end.  When we were driving home from the last class the previous Wednesday at the Police Academy, I felt as though something went away.  From September-December 10th, 2008, we were in some sort of class.

We have a new West Side police station in Tucson, up on Miracle Mike between the sleazy motels.  The police call it the “Taj Mahal”

We went in, and got our programs until the auditorium doors opened.  At least, we were going to the same place at the same time.  We tend to mess up if we have to count off 1,2 or A,B.  I’m telling you, those civilians and their lack of discipline.

The ceremony began with a four member honor guard.  Two held rifles, one the Arizona State Flag and the fourth member, the American Flag.

They marched with precision, down the stairs of the auditorium, which is built like a lecture hall.    If you have ever been to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery, think that.

I am impressed by folks like that.  If you think the movie and TV show “The Odd Couple,” they are Felix Unger to my Oscar Madison.

Elaine and me have too much Monty Python in our lives.  For our non-Americans friends, the National Anthem is played at baseball games and everyone claps at the end.  The police had a tape of Country and Western singer Lee Ann Rhimes singing the anthem.  (Good thing, people throw things at me when I sing).
The Python corruption in us wants to cry out, “Play Ball!”  Either we are getting older, (not sure about wiser), or it was just too solemn to even think that.

Then Lieutenant Batista, the commander of the West Side station greeted us.s  Then Captain Shoun, the commander of the Police Academy was to call out the names.  Since we had not rehearsed going up to get our certificates, would we get this right?

We were not supposed to cut in front of the American flag.  Luckily we received our certificates from Sgt. Hammarstrom and shook hands with Chief Leavitt, while the Crime Scene Photographer could take the pictures.

After that was finished, our classmate Nancy Gutt got up to speak.  She led what the class had been cooking up for weeks.  Chief Leavitt said we could not take them to dinner or get them anything where there was major money involved.  Appearances you know…

We had cards for Steve Beller and Mike Hammarstrom who guided us seamlessly through the fourteen weeks (even if we can’t count off).

Steve was nervous and Mike was in uniform instead of his Police Academy shirt.  We are still not used to that.

Then, we had refereshments.  Our friend Jan, from Saguaro Romance Writers attended the graduation.  (Some of our friends are thinking of taking a future class).

Again, a great class and I am sorry it is over.  If someone else attends a class and does a blog, I would look forward to seeing it.  The students were great too.  I am going to miss Nancy Gutt’s cheerleading to get the items for Steve and Mike.  I am going to miss Evelyn with her two cellphones and Blackberry, (the fastest fingers in the West).  Remember, you can end up in one of our books.  We will miss Zachary and Steve rolling his eyes at him.  Especially when the traffic officers came and Zachary raised his hand about getting a ticket from him.  Poor Steve just rolled his eyes yet again.   There was Sheryl, the reporter from the Tucson Citizen and the many others who made it an interesting class.   The police officers who took time out of their busy schedules to teach us.

If I can do anything to be of assistance to future classes, I will.  I do have some ideas, I just need to work on them.

Again to the Tucson Police Dept. but most importantly Steve and Mike.  THANK YOU!

The Juice Got Juiced!

I remember the original mess with O.J. Simpson.  Well today, in a Las Vegas courtroom,   Judge Jackie Glass told him he is “arrogant and ignorant.”

Oh well, you play, you pay.